top of page

Sink or Swim? Healing Isn't Linear

I was taking a spin class last week, and the instructor was talking about her struggle with anxiety. She told the class how she wakes up every morning with a lot of anxiety, and at that moment she has to decide if she’s going to sink or swim.


A simple phrase, I’ve heard it a million times before. But, during this sweaty, intense cycling class it hit me like a pound of bricks.


Do I want to sink or swim in this life?


(Just a heads up, spin class is like my therapy so don’t hate me if I keep referencing things my instructors say in my blogs)



That phrase has always reminded me of The Lumineers' song, Sleep on the Floor. Particularly, the lyric that says “I was not born to drown.”


I’ve always used music as a way to express my internal thoughts and feelings, I feel like a song can always better describe how I feel than I can sometimes. I mean shit, sometimes I’ll send someone a song to tell them how I feel or why I love them or how it reminds me of them. I always feel a rush of inspiration when I hear that song and that lyric.


Okay, I’m getting off track. Sink or Swim?


Within the last year and a half, I have experienced a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. I would say I’ve always been a bit anxious, even as a kid. Constantly worrying, constantly thinking of what I said or did, and constantly wondering how everything is going to play out. But it has always been controllable anxiety that I feel like a lot of people experience, very situational and it never disrupted my day-to-day life, until recently.


And, honestly, it felt like it came out of the left field.


I will go more into detail one day about my anxiety and panic attacks, but to be honest, I still don’t fully understand it and I am figuring that out myself.


But, I want to keep this blog short and sweet. Let’s talk about mindset, particularly the way my mindset and everyday life have changed from the beginning of January until now. Like night and day. Beginning of 2023, I was sinking.


I would say I was struggling with my anxiety for about a year, but it was starting to control my day-to-day after the holidays. It’s such an isolating feeling, especially when you don’t understand it. I didn’t want to be alone (so not like me) and I was relying on everyone to be there for me. (which they were, but I wanted to have my own back again) I began to feel myself shying away from things I loved and fueled me. I began to crawl into this hole. It was unmotivating, it was exhausting, and it simply just wasn’t me. I just wanted to feel peace. Then everything shifted. Honestly, I think I just got sick of feeling so scared and overwhelmed by life. I was so frustrated with myself. I missed the old me. The independent me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as easy as being like “Okay! I’m over this, no more anxiety!”. But, the second I stopped giving it all my time and energy, it seemed to lighten up a bit. And, then more. And, then I was craving my independence again, my alone time wasn’t lonely anymore. It was enjoyable and something I needed. I started filling my own cup again.


So then, I finally swam.


And, I kept swimming and now about two months later I feel more like myself. I still have a lot of healing and work to do, but hey don’t we always?


Mindset is everything (and a good morning routine, still working on my night routine though!) My instructor talking about sinking or swimming, just put how I was feeling the last few months into such simple and understandable words.


Today I will swim and shit tomorrow I might sink. But I think that’s actually the point. Healing isn’t linear.




Comments


IMG_2282.JPG

Hi, thanks for stopping by!

I'm Kalie Henderson and I am 22 years old. I just graduated from the College of Charleston, and I am currently a fashion and marketing intern in Charleston, SC. 

Let the posts
come to you.

Thanks for submitting!

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
bottom of page